4 Weeks On and I Have Failed
Ugh… I’m so disgusted with myself! It was an emotional 4 days dealing with my dads Alzheimer’s and the VA. I was doing great for 4wks and the last 4 days I have just failed!!!
You absolutely should NOT be too harsh on yourself – we all make mistakes. But understanding why you made the mistake can go a long way towards helping you avoid it in the future.
Parents are HUGE triggers for many of us – even without issues like Alzheimer’s. Even as adults we want their love and approval. When they don’t see us or recognize us or respond the way we want – we take it personally. It’s a super-tough road.
So one thing you might try, see if you can look at it from your father’s perspective. How difficult it must be to have the issue…. the confusion, the frustration, the anger he must have with himself, his brain and his body for failing him like this. He might even be upset with himself for failing to remember or recognize, for reactions he has…. This may help you feel compassion for him.
You can take it one step further by imagining how he must feel towards his daughter who is trying so hard to be there and be supportive. She’s trying so very hard to do the right thing, and make the right decisions. When he looks at her, he can probably see how hard it is for her, going thru this, watching it all unfold, and knowing she can’t do much about it.
You can do the same for the folks at the VA, which may be more feelings of frustration. These folks likely want to be more helpful, but their hands are tied. There’s red tape, and protocols, that make everything so tedious and time consuming.
Spending a few minutes in this visualizations should (hopefully) get you to a place of compassion for you, you father, and maybe even the folks at the VA that will hopefully create a sliver of peace.
Whenever we have an “off-wagon” experience, we have to take a moment to reflect. What did we see, hear, think? What was the situation like? What was going on? Normally, we fall off for a reason. A craving gets the better of us…. or a negative feeling makes us revert to old habits in an attempt to do anything to make them stop.
Chances are, we made the choice (to go off-wagon) thinking it wouldn’t be that hard to get back on. Or we had one of those “f&^% it” moments. Or decided we needed a reward or a treat.
So, there was SOMETHING we wanted/needed, and maybe we tried to use food to give it to ourselves. And we may have gotten a moment of distraction or relief. But the stronger feelings usually end up being guilt, regret, and disgust.
If we remember those negative feelings, they can be a powerful motivator to keep us on track. Just be sure to NOT constantly beat yourself up with it. There’s no need to put yourself in Keto Hell because of this. Learn from it, and move on.
Let me know if it helps.
“Short Answer: Reflect. Learn from it. Then move on. Stronger. Wiser. Don’t beat yourself up.”